Dear God, How is this for honesty

Dear God, it is sort of, okay not sort of, it is just plain amazing how You work. I had opened this new blog with plans of telling You how I felt You had left me. How You had abandoned me here all alone to suffer. In fact I had already started the blog entry, I am keeping the original title cause in so many ways I feel like it still fits. I am still scared that is for sure, how can I not be a little scared. I know that because of tonight satan will be waiting to strike at any moment. But the doubt that filled my head just two hours ago has now been replaced with a fresh faith in you. The fear that You had left me here to rot has now been replaced with the comfort of Your love surrounding me as I type this down. A friend told me to read Romans 8 over and over again and pray to You while I read it. When I got to the part about how Your spirit intercedes for us when we do not have the words to say I just started weeping. I could not even get any of the words I wanted to say out of my mouth. But I knew that verse was being acting out in my life at that very moment. I know Your spirit was interceding for me on this night when I could not get the words out. There were so many other words in Romans 8 that hit me hard, I know You were speaking right to me tonight and I know that You used Renee tonight to speak into my life and get my attention. I love you so much for doing that, I was in a rut and heading down a road that would lead me to so much pain. You used one of Your children and my friend to truly make me see that I need to get back to You. How is this for honesty?

What A Wretched Man I Am

Well it has been less than 24 hours since I started this blog and there is a not so shocking development, I committed the same sin that I did last night. Once again I know for a fact that I have the forgiveness of God and I am so thankful for that, but at the same time I know that if I were Him I would be so fed up with me right now. It is at a point where promising to to stop must just make the devil chuckle. I know that God does not allow us to be tempted beyond what we can handle with Him guiding us. This temptation is not one that should own my life like it does, but the fact I have to admit is that it does own me. But I am reminded of a John Piper video that I have seen many times while going through this struggle. He talks about how the battle we are in is not against satan, its not against the devil. The battle that we are in as Christians is a battle against sin. There is a quote in the video that really strikes home me for every single time I watch this video, "nobody goes to hell because of satan, the only reason we go to hell is sin. Much more important than fighting satan is fighting sin." I do know though that when I do something to take a step toward God, satan will be right there to try to knock me back. Too often I give satan the idea that he can control me, that he has some sort of power over my life. In reality he has no power over me what so ever too often, and my life is a shining example of this, I blame satan for my mis steps and my failures. I look up to God and utter the oh so famous words, "the devil made me do it." The sad part about this post is that I know tonight will not be the last time I utter those words to God. Those six words that just make everything all better because the blame has been shifted out of my hands. What a wretched man I am.

A Confession

I have to be honest, I have tried to get a blog started in the past to no avail. All attempts flamed out in either laziness of a sense that what I had to write would not bring interest. Both of those things are now long in my rear view mirror. See I no longer have to worry about being too lazy to write because I know it is something that needs to be done. That ties right into my thought that what I had to share would not impact anyone, therefore it would be pointless. I have come the recent realization that the most important person I need to be writing for is me. I figure things out by writing out what I am going through with honesty that I do not use in general conversation. I know it is not great promotion for a blog to lead with saying I don't need anyone to read it, but I had gotten so caught up in the amount of eyes seeing it that I forgot about the heart that should have been behind it all. I got so consumed in making appealing to so many audiences that it because a stylized drama that was missing one key component, honesty. I would not say I was out right lying in blog posts or making things up to spice things up, more leaving out the things that should have been in there in the first place. Avoiding the topics that I needed to talk about. The title of this blog may confuse some at first glance, allow me to explain. I have found, even more so recently, I am imperfect in many things, too many things to even count. While coming to this conclusion i have found that I am perfect at one act, sinning. I have the art of sinner down so perfectly, I can pull off multiple sins at once without as much as a blink. This blog with deal directly with my confessions, this blog will be honest and real. First and foremost this blog will shine light upon the One who has forgiven all of those sins. As I sit here and write this at 3:12 in the morning after just committing a will full sin, something has struck me. I was forgiven for that act before I even knew I was going to do it. Does this mean that I can sin at will just because I will be forgiven, of course not. What this does show me is that I serve a Lord who loves me so much that He has forgiven me of every since past present and future.